ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize