wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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