I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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