he thought i was a dude.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
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what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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