I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize