in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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