I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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