maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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