So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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