Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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