I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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