I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
high people should be assigned attendants
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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