Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
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my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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