i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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