Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My bed smells like the plague
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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