dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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