____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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