I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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