No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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