I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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