Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize