Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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