If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize