I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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