just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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