life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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