party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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