Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize