Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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