You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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