he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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