I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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