in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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