i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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