A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize