Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize