Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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