so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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