my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
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I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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