the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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