He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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