I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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