I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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