Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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