he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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