wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize