tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize