everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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