i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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