Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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